hi, you.

Taken earlier today when I saged.

These past few of weeks have been a roller coaster. I'm getting used to a new routine. Now that I work back in the Institute versus traveling all over town, my free time has dwindled. Which seems bizarre given instead of 10 hour days, I work 8. However that means two days off instead of three, and while I interacted with people on a daily basis, dealing with over a hundred students (hair students at that) on a daily basis and having co-workers again can make your mind race. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I had been out of the loop for a while, and by nature I tend to be very laid back and go at my own pace. Being thrown back in to the (very chaotic) mix was awesome, overwhelming and exhausting all at the same. I find myself driving home in complete silence on Saturdays. Wanting to "decompress". I come home and lay on my bed in total silence. Sometimes I still have my purse around me. Exhausting.

In these past few weeks I also experienced an awful panic attack. I think I've only had one other besides this one, and I didn't even realize it was one until I explained it to a friend who is nurse. I was just about to fall asleep when I jolted awake and immediately my brain began to obsess over death. I won't get into it because I'd rather not take that journey again, but it bled over into the next day, and now weeks later, I'm finally starting to shake those feelings off. Yes. Weeks. I'm unaware if this is normal or not, but it hasn't been pleasant especially when you add the work mumbo jumbo from the beginning of this entry. I write more on my thoughts on death over here for anyone interested.

Today was the first day I had some kind of motivation and will to rid of these negative thoughts. I grabbed some sage that I had and began to sage my entire room and myself. I cleaned my entire room and envisioned myself cleaning off the "negative". I felt so much better and I started to feel lighter. I can feel the energy shifting inside of me and around me, and I feel more balanced. 

That's where I've been lately. Now that I'm more balanced and settling in to this new routine I've got going, I'm going to make a more conscious effort to carve out time to blog and read. I don't blog for anyone else but myself, and I've missed it. It's pretty therapeutic. 

:)