You're a king and I'm a lion heart.

This week started out smooth sailing. I was ready to rock and roll, lovers. But Tuesday night I felt the funk creepin' in. I started to fixate on the things that were bugging me. The things that I can't always control. And the things that I can, but still allow to get out of control. Stress and anxiety started to build up and then came the blues.

 For someone who has dealt with depression for just about her entire life, it will definitely get you nervous. Is this just a case of the blues and it'll blow over? Or is this a full on hole I'm falling into? It's been so long since I've fallen into a deep depression. For anyone who deals with it, you know it's not easy. You really can't just "snap out of it" or "take a walk". If it were that simple, I don't believe the illness would exist. There are days where I could literally just sit and weep. Cry until I physically am hurting from it. The sadness swallows you up. I'm trying to stay away from all of that.

If I find myself drifting in time, I can catch it. This week I found myself drifting off into "la la land" as my Grandmother used to call it. Boom. React now, Alex, before you can't. Strap on those running shoes and take in some mother nature while I can. Force myself to respond to texts and not become a recluse. Breathe in, breathe out. Find that peace you know and be still in it.

Here I am. Goofball City. Hear that, Darkness? You can't get me today. Or tomorrow. Or anytime soon. I'm all sunshine and laughter from here on out. Put that in your juice box and suck on it.

Happy hearts,

Alex

She gives them butterflies, bats her cartoon eyes.

Well, Ladies and Gents. I feel like I'm getting my funky flare back! I realized a while a go I was in some sort of haze. It was almost like every day that I woke up I was in some kind of foggy state of mind. This is not abnormal for me. I've suffered from "the blues" ever since I was a little girl. Yes, that scary word... depression. It comes and goes.

This was one of my longer bouts. But the fog has lifted. I've decided to make more of a conscious effort to keep myself engaged, focus, and always in the moment. Not drifting off to those negative, pessimistic, anxious thoughts that can send me into a downward spiral. Especially before bed.

Anyone else get like this?

When it's run it's course, it's seriously like "waking up". You have more energy, you're beaming with joy, everything sounds wonderful.

This isn't to say I wasn't happy before. I was. I am most of the time. I'm known to be "upbeat" and "bubbly". But something felt "off". I have my Father's genetics to thank for that one.

Anyway. I'm awake. I'm happy. I'm grateful. I'm all your's, World. Let's go. :)

Happy Hearts,

Alex